Calypso
by Rosethorn2
Summary: Isolated: solitary or singular separated from others. Duo reflects over what has been and what might have been...


**Notes:** I wrote this while listening to a rather sad piece.

**Warnings:** Mentioned shounen ai (boy love), extreme angst (get out the Kleenex, people!)

**Pairings:** 1x2 (unrequited), 1xR, 3x4

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it/them.

_Calypso  
_By Rosethorn

Isolated. I looked that up in a dictionary once…I came up with a rough meaning: _solitary or singular_. That was the only the first half. The second was what really got to me. _Separated from others_. Huh. Separated from others. I guess that can be used to describe me. I'm always surrounded by people, yet apart. In the group but not. Kinda hard to imagine me, Mr. Popularity, as someone who'd be considered isolated…solitary.

I heard this piece of music once…it described solitude perfectly. _The Isle of Calypso_. An old, American piece made way back before the colonies were ever created. Howard's always been really into that old stuff. "Nostalgia," he calls it. I call it "spending too much time living in the past". Granted, I don't ever _say_ that to him, but sometimes I'm really tempted. But back to the song. It was written (at least, this is what the old loon's told me), as part of this _really_ old story called _The Odyssey_. By some guy named Homer. I didn't really pay any more attention than that…the only other thing I got was the fact that this song describes someone trapped alone somewhere. Figured it was kinda like me. Why me, you may ask. I'm trapped too. Trapped within a prison of my own mind.

Ever been through a war when you were only fifteen? More importantly, ever had to _fight_ in that war at fifteen in a mobile suit that could destroy a colony with a single blast? I did. In the "Colony Wars" as their called now. I manned one of the most dangerous things ever invented—a mobile suit called a Gundam. There's so much blood on my hands from that piece of machinery…though I had blood on my hands long before then…

There were five of us. Gundam pilots, I mean. There was Chang WuFei, the spirited warrior, strong sense of justice gave use a moral code to cling to; Quatre Reberba Winner, the rich man's son, whose "uchuu no kokoro" gave us _all_ heart; Trowa Barton, the nameless acrobat, whose quiet strength showed us something inside ourselves to depend on; and…Yuy Heero, the Perfect Soldier, whose determination inspired us to aid in whatever we could. The once who I gave my heart to. He still doesn't know that, and I never intend to tell him.

He's getting married tomorrow, Heero Yuy. Getting married to the Relena Peacecraft, former Queen of the World. It was funny to watch the courtship in a twisted sort of way. He was so _awkward_ about it, not having ever dealt with relationships before. Of course, being his best friend, he would come to _me_ for advice, and being the friend I am, I'd give him good advice, though I'd cry myself to sleep after he'd left to do whatever it was they did together.

I never really was his best friend in reality. We never talked about personal things…we never "hung out"…we never did anything best friends do. To the rest of the pilots, I was an idiot who always smiled because he was too stupid to know better. See what I meant by "surrounded by people, yet alone"?

I can never fit in anywhere. Believe me, I've tried; but I gave up. The only places I ever came close to fitting in were taken from me rather violently. First Solo and the rest of the gang with that disease that I _somehow_ didn't get; then Sister Helen and Father Maxwell of Maxwell Orphanage. The only survivor of the "Maxwell Massacre"…Sometimes—hell, _most_ of the time, I wish I had died along with Solo or Sister Helen. Then I wouldn't be so alone now. But life always continues on its merry way, leaving disaster and heartache in its wake.

I wonder how he'll look in a tux. Probably as dashing as he does in that horrid spandex and green tank-top. And those butt-ugly, yellow sneakers. His present to her is his retirement from the Preventers. The last place I can see him and talk to him, and he's leaving. Ah well, I'll be able to call him every so often…when Relena's not there; she doesn't like me much, not that I blame her. Our personalities just clash. And there's the small fact that I hate her for being able to get Heero to soften…something I could never accomplish. But he loves her, so that's to be expected.

Know what the best part of this whole drama is? I'm not even a guest at the wedding. Since the bride-to-be hates my very existence, he decided to ask someone else to be his best man…and just conveniently "forgot" to send me an invitation to the wedding. He asked Quatre…who is now with Trowa. Anyone else see that one coming? It's rather sweet to watch them together…they're so much in love. Makes me nauseous just thinking about it. Hard enough knowing that your love will never be returned without watching two people very much in love with each other make out. But that's what couples do, I guess. I still remember when I walked in on Heero and Relena. Talk about awkward. I knew then that there was no hope for me…I guess I knew all along that there was no hope for it, but I just…I just wanted it to happen to me, just once.

Just once I'd like to not be alone…not be by myself…Not be stranded on that damn island.

But I'm Shinigami, the god of death. Death has no friends, no lovers. Death is always alone. Which is why I'm writing this…my memoirs if you will. They'll be all that's left of me come morning. But at least, come morning, I won't be so alone anymore.

Sister Helen, Father Maxwell…Solo. Wait for me…I'm coming.

oOOo()oOOo

Depressing…I rarely write depressing stuff. Anyone else need a tissue? ::sniffle:: Sorry about the pure angst, but it's what came out...

Rosethorn


End file.
